Grasshopper Jokes

Grasshopper Jokes

Why is it better to be a grasshopper than a cricket?
Because grasshoppers can play cricket but crickets can’t play grasshopper!

What is green and can jump a mile in a minute?
A grasshopper with hiccups!

What is green, sooty and whistles when it rubs its back legs together?
Chimney Cricket!

What is a grasshopper?
An insect on a pogo stick!

What do you call a grasshopper with no legs?
A grasshover!

What is a grasshoppers favorite sport?
Cricket.

A grasshopper walks into a bar.
The bartender says “Hey we have a drink named after you.”
The surpised grasshopper says “You have a drink named Shaun?”

The devout cowboy lost his favorite Bible while he was mending fences out on the range.
Three weeks later, a grasshopper walked up to him carrying the Bible in its mouth.
The cowboy couldn’t believe his eyes.
He took the precious book out of the grasshopper’s mouth, raised his eyes heavenward and exclaimed, “It’s a miracle!”
“Not really,” said the grasshopper. “Your name is written inside the cover.”

Nasty Little Boy

A policeman caught a nasty little boy with a bb gun in one hand and a grasshopper in the other.
“Now Listen here,” the policeman said,
“Whatever you do to that poor, defenseless creature I shall personally do to you”
“In that case,” said the boy.
“I’ll kiss it’s butt and let it go”

Night of Drinking
A man and his pet grasshopper walk into a bar. It’s about 5pm, but they’re ready for a good night of drinking.
They start off slowly, watching TV, drinking beer, eating peanuts. As the night goes on they move to mixed drinks, and then shooters, one after the other.
Finally, the bartender says: “Last call.”
So, the man says, “One more for me. and one more for my grasshopper.”
The bartender sets them up and they shoot them back. Suddenly, the grasshopper falls over dead.
The man throws some money on the bar, puts on his coat and starts to leave.
The bartender, yells: “Hey buddy, you can’t just leave that lyin’ there.”
To which the man replies: “That’s not a lion, that’s a grasshopper.”

Movies
A man in a movie theater notices what looks like a grasshopper sitting next to him.
“Are you a grasshopper?” asked the man, surprised.
“Yes.”
“What are you doing at the movies?”
The grasshopper replied, “Well, I liked the book.”

www.jokes4us.com

Why does a grasshopper say that an eponymous drink is named ‘Norman’?

And speaking of humor, here is John Cleese’s favorite joke:

A grasshopper hops into a bar and onto a stool. The bartender says, “We’ve got a drink named after you.” The grasshopper says, “What, Norman?”

The joke only succeeds if the reader assigns the appropriate intonation—a property of speech—to the punchline “What, Norman?” (roughly the same as in “Who, me?”). Punctuation provides helpful clues but does not fully specify the humor-intensive intonation. In written form the joke relies on the reader’s ability to mentally supply this information. Thus a joke can be funny even if it is read silently rather than told by John Cleese. Successfully “hearing” the relevant intonation is part of the pleasure.

I don’t understand this joke, probably as I’m confused how the bolded critical interrogative statement ought be intoned? ‘Norman’ is disyllabic, and ‘me’ is monosyllabic? So how can “What, Norman?” be (intoned) roughly the same as “Who, me?”

Edit after original time of posting: Only after user ‘Mick”s comments, did I discover that ‘grasshopper’ is the name of a cocktail.

2 Answers 2

I don’t agree with this author’s opinion as stated. The written word doesn’t have or need an intonation. Intonation matters if we translate this written passage to speech, but text does not need to be translated to speech in order to be comprehensible.

The joke only succeeds if the reader assigns appropriate semantics to the punchline. Similar semantics can be carried by an entirely different set of words:

A grasshopper walks into a bar and gets the bartender’s attention. The bartender asks “Hey, did you know that we have a drink named after you?” The grasshopper replies “That’s interesting. I’d like to try it. Give me a Norman.”

Performing surgery on humor is a risky undertaking. It often leaves the patient severely weakened if not dead. In this case, I think the humor has survived, even if the punchline carries a little less punch. However, this version of the punchline employs a command (well, a request) rather than a question, which would be spoken with an entirely different intonation.

In the original version, the joke fails if the reader mistakes “Norman” for the bartender’s name. My version doesn’t afford the same mistake. We could also eliminate that inappropriate ambiguity by paraphrasing the original as a more complete question: “You have a drink named Norman?”

This distinction between “Norman” as a form of address and “Norman” as the heart of the question can be represented by a difference in intonation. This author seems to mistake representation for identity. Intonation is not strictly necessary to mark this distinction and it is certainly not the same thing as the distinction so marked, even though it is commonly used and commonly understood, and happens to be quite effective.

Any version of this joke is likely to fail if the reader doesn’t recognize “grasshopper” as the name of both a cocktail and a suborder of insect. The bartender intends that “named after you” be interpreted as named after your kind, but the grasshopper infers that it means named after you as an individual. The humor relies on subverting one obvious expectation with another, and the subversion is destined to fail if the first intended expectation is not obvious to the joke’s audience.

ell.stackexchange.com

Grasshopper jokes

Grasshopper jokes, clean, updated often, and filtered for the best quality. Plus, these are just one of the many types of animal jokes for kids you’ll find. Location: Clean Jokes > Kids Jokes > Kids Animal Jokes > Grasshopper jokes

Enter your E-MAIL address BELOW for JOKES by E-MAIL once a WEEK!

Sponsored Links

Laugh Links
– Funny Jokes
– Funny Cartoons
– Random Jokes
– Fun Pages
– Funny Videos
– Funny Forwards
– Funny Audio
– Fun Downloads
– Funny Links
> Featured Today
– What’s new?
– Joke of the Day
– Funny Pic of Day
> Other Options
– Link to Us
– Submit a Joke

Grasshopper jokes

What is a grasshopper?
An insect on a pogo stick!

What do you call a grasshopper with no legs?
A grasshover!

Why is it better to be a grasshopper than a cricket?
Because grasshoppers can play cricket but crickets can’t play grasshopper!

What is green and can jump a mile in a minute?
A grasshopper with hiccups!

What is green, sooty and whistles when it rubs its back legs together?
Chimney Cricket!

  • Visit the next joke: Insect Jokes
  • Visit the previous joke: Fly Jokes
  • Return to the kids animal jokes page

    www.ahajokes.com

    Insect Jokes

    Insect Fun

    Beetle Jokes

    What happened to the man who turned into an insect?
    – He just beetled off!

    How do you know that beetles are so clever?
    – Because they always know when you’re eating outside!

    What do you call two bugs that live on the moon?
    – Luna ticks!

    What do you call a nervous beetle?
    – A jitter-bug!

    Why did the beetle get kicked out of the park?
    – Because he was a litter-bug!

    Grasshopper Jokes

    What is a grasshopper?
    – An insect on a pogo stick!

    What do you call a grasshopper with no legs?
    – A grasshover!

    Why is it better to be a grasshopper than a cricket?
    – Because grasshoppers can play cricket but crickets can’t play grasshopper!

    What is green and can jump a mile in a minute?
    – A grasshopper with hiccups!

    What is green, sooty and whistles when it rubs its back legs together?
    – Chimney Cricket!

    Ant Jokes

    How many ants are needed to fill an apartment?
    – Ten-ants!

    What do you call a 100 year old ant?
    – Ant-ique!

    What do you call an ant from overseas?
    – Import-ant!

    What is smaller than an ants dinner?
    – An ants mouth!

    What medicine would you give an ill ant?
    – Ant-ibiotics!

    What do you get if you cross some ants with some tics?
    – All sorts of ant-ics!

    Bee Jokes

    Why do bees hum?
    – Because they don’t know the words!

    What is the bee’s favourite pop group?
    – The BEE Gees!

    What do you call a clumsy bee?
    – Fumble bee!

    What do you call a bee born in May?
    – May-bee!

    What do bees chew?
    – Bumble gum!

    What goes zzub zzub?
    – A bee flying backwards!

    Why do bees go on strike?
    – Because they want more honey and shorter working flowers!

    What did one bee say to the other bee during a hot summer?
    – Swarm here isn’t it!

    What goes hum-choo, hum-choo?
    – A bee with a cold!

    Wasp Jokes

    What is a wasps favourite film?
    – Sting-ing in the Rain!

    Who is a wasps favourite singer?
    – Sting!

    What is a wasps favourite song?
    – Sultans of Sting!

    What sport do wasps play?
    – Sting-pong!

    What is a wasps second favourite film?
    – Lord of the Stings!

    Centipede Jokes

    What is worse than a giraffe with a sore throat?
    – A centipede with sore feet!

    Why was the centipede dropped from the football team?
    – Cos he took too long to put his football boots on!

    What goes 99-clonk 99-clonk 99-clonk?
    – A centipede with a wooden leg!

    What did one centipede say to the other centipede?
    – You’ve got a lovely pair of legs! You’ve got a lovely pair of legs! You’ve got a lovely pair of legs! You’ve got a lovely pair of legs!

    Insect Cartoons

    I don’t think I like pink anymore, try another colour! Just how much longer is it gonna take. That’s what he thinks!! Unamused insects! I could win that tortoise AND the hare anyday!! Hungry ants!

    animalcorner.co.uk

    Ant & the Grasshopper Story.. read it..

    OLD STORY>>> NEW VERSION

    THE TRUE VERSION

    The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long building his house and laying up supplies for the winter.

    The grasshopper thinks the ant’s a fool and laughs & dances & plays the summer away.
    Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed. The grasshopper has no food or shelter so he dies out in the cold.

    The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter.
    The grasshopper thinks the ant’s a fool and laughs & dances & plays the summer away.

    Come winter, the shivering grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others are cold and starving.

    BBC, CNN, AAJ TAK, NDTV, show up to provide pictures of the shivering grasshopper next to a video of the ant in his comfortable home with a table filled with food.

    The World is stunned by the sharp contrast. How can this be that this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so?

    Arundhati Roy stages a demonstration in front of the ant’s house.

    Amnesty International and Koffi Annan criticizes the Government for not upholding the fundamental rights of the grasshopper.
    The Internet is flooded with online petitions seeking support to the grasshopper.

    Opposition MP’s stage a walkout.

    Left parties call for “Bharat Bandh” in West Bengal and Kerala demanding a Judicial Enquiry. Finally, the Judicial Committee drafts the “Prevention of Terrorism Against Grasshoppers Act [POTAGA]”, with effect from the beginning of the winter.

    The ant is fined for failing to comply with POTAGA and, having nothing left to pay his retroactive taxes, his home is confiscated by the Government and handed over to the grasshopper in a ceremony covered by BBC,CNN, AAJ TAK and NDTV.

    Arundhati Roy calls it “a triumph of justice”.

    Koffi Annan invites the grasshopper to address the UN General Assembly.

    Moral of the story :This is wats happening to those who work hard to uplift their future but govt. is showing injustice to them in the name of justice. we demand equality

    www.fropky.com

    Asian American group wants no ‘fortune cookie,’ ‘grasshopper’ jokes in Jeremy Lin coverage

    Following several instances of what it said was insensitive media coverage of New York Knicks phenom Jeremy Lin, the Asian American Journalists Association has issued an “advisory” for journalists about how — and how not — to cover Lin.

    “In the past weeks, as more news outlets report on Lin, his game and his story, AAJA has noticed factual inaccuracies about Lin’s background as well as an alarming number of references that rely on stereotypes about Asians or Asian Americans,” AAJA explained in the advisory issued Wednesday.

    The group offered reporters a list of guidelines, facts, and “Danger Zones” to avoid in their coverage of Lin, Asian-American NBA players, and Asian-Americans in general.

    In the memo, AAJA explains that Lin is not Asian, but rather Asian American, specifically, Taiwanese American — an important distinction. The organization notes that Lin is not the first Asian American NBA player.

    The “Danger Zones” journalists should avoid is a list of puns, analogies, and jokes about Asian Americans and includes many that have not yet been used in basketball coverage.

    Still, journalists should take note that the AAJA would prefer if reporters never use the pun “ME LOVE YOU LIN TIME.”

    “CHINK”: Pejorative; do not use in a context involving an Asian person on someone who is Asian American. Extreme care is needed if using the well-trod phrase “chink in the armor”; be mindful that the context does not involve Asia, Asians or Asian Americans. (The appearance of this phrase with regard to Lin led AAJA MediaWatch to issue statement to ESPN, which subsequently disciplined its employees.)

    DRIVING: This is part of the sport of basketball, but resist the temptation to refer to an “Asian who knows how to drive.”

    EYE SHAPE: This is irrelevant. Do not make such references if discussing Lin’s vision.

    FOOD: Is there a compelling reason to draw a connection between Lin and fortune cookies, takeout boxes or similar imagery? In the majority of news coverage, the answer will be no.

    MARTIAL ARTS: You’re writing about a basketball player. Don’t conflate his skills with judo, karate, tae kwon do, etc. Do not refer to Lin as “Grasshopper” or similar names associated with martial-arts stereotypes.

    “ME LOVE YOU LIN TIME”: Avoid. This is a lazy pun on the athlete’s name and alludes to the broken English of a Hollywood caricature from the 1980s.

    “YELLOW MAMBA”: This nickname that some have used for Lin plays off the “Black Mamba” nickname used by NBA star Kobe Bryant. It should be avoided. Asian immigrants in the United States in the 19th and 20th centuries were subjected to discriminatory treatment resulting from a fear of a “Yellow Peril” that was touted in the media, which led to legislation such as the Chinese Exclusion Act.

    dailycaller.com

    The Grasshopper Joke.

    by Michael Fournier

    From “Love Sprawl’d Awry, or, The Chamberlain Expos’d”
    (Text of the 1604 Quarto)

    Actus Secundus. Scena Quarta.

    Enter Brandysnatch and Quiver.

    Bran. ’Twas never a whore in Halston but a ripe ditty would have her swived aright with tuppence in to chime against her heel!

    Quiv. ‘Tis spoke aright, I trow, tho’ John o’ hops be spry upon thee.

    Bran. No welkin i’ th’ tide was tossed as she by me, for all her feckless prattle of calm became her. Bless her though: her charms were quaint.

    Flourish within. But of this matter, more anon, friend Quiver. His majesty, the King, upon his litter doth approach, serene as Jove pronouncing “gin” at cards, and girt with the kirtle of England’s might.

    Quiv. But soft, good Brandysnatch. He speaks.

    Ed. Inasmuch as duty doth compel our candour,
    And insofar as our late counsellor,
    Lord Suffix hath with lothly, dastard spite
    Betrayed our bold designs on preening France,
    We speak now that which heretofore was heard
    But in the glozings of our discrete Court.
    Yet ere we pass to these concerns which strike
    To England’s heart, and to the hearts of all
    Who are as England’s bone, and England’s sinew,
    Attend first to a most amusing tale
    Borne back to us by memory this day
    As we were borne here on our royal way.

    Bran. My liege would treat of the Rabbi and the Nun!

    Quiv. Or of the mule whose wit did drub a steed! ‘Tis a good fellow, our King Ted, and as I breathe, were it not treason so to fancy, marry, I’d have my King above all other jesters in the land. ’S well, my liege doth deign to speak again.

    Ed. Now entertain conjecture of a locust
    Which entereth into a publick house.
    He beckons forth the goodly, smiling tapster,
    Who, feigning to descry an ancient friend,
    Bestirs his nod with words that freight good cheer:
    “Sir,” quotha, “knowest not a draught we serve,
    (A cunning mix of potions various)
    Is called—aye, oft!—and by thy very name?”
    The locust replieth, with tokens of wonder,
    “Thou hast a drink beknownst to all as Clarence?”

    www.mcsweeneys.net

    Wait…Is That a Joke? Avo > by Grasshopper Team — Published in Off the Ground on March 11, 2014

    You’re smelly and you need a bath!

    Wait. is that a joke?

    For every company that succeeds with a funny marketing campaign, there are many others that fall flat, or even worse, offend their customers.

    Funny advertising can get you attention in crowded arenas (that means in the middle of Times Square or on Twitter), but telling jokes is pretty risky.

    To alleviate these risks, read on! The whoopie cushions and rubber chickens will follow.

    Don’t Laugh Pointlessly

    At face value, adding a little ha-ha to what might otherwise be feature and benefit driven is attention grabbing, memorable, and produces social sharing.

    Dr. Peter McGraw, founder of the Humor Research Lab at the University of Colorado Boulder, cautions against using humor just to get a laugh or to differentiate your brand from the competition.

    Make sure your funny campaign has a purpose that relates to your product or integrates with your marketing goals.

    Ask yourself, What do you want to accomplish with this marketing or communication tactic? Have a goal in mind, and track the results. This could be something softer than an increase in sales, such as an increase in social media interaction.

    Make sure it relates to your product or service, even if it’s in an unexpected or irreverent way.

    Be inclusive not exclusive – is the joke widely shareable? Be unique but not too esoteric.

    Don’t Be Tedious or Tasteless

    What makes a funny flop? Often, you’re jokes are just boring.

    “If the humor proves to be boring, then it implies your brand is not interesting and who wants to spend money on the ‘boring’ brand?” says McGraw. “If the humor is offensive and alienates a segment of the population, then the damage may be costly.”

    To avoid laughing alone, McGraw suggests companies first test humorous stunts. He notes that small businesses and start ups that embrace lean principles are ideally suited to test before launching a full-scale campaign.

    In McGraw’s upcoming book, The Humor Code, due out on April Fool’s Day 2014 (that’s no joke!), he and journalist Joel Warner detail their epic quest to discover the secret behind what makes things funny.

    But if understanding the DNA of humor seems a little daunting or time consuming, McGraw offers these broad spectrum Dos and Don’ts:

    Avoid using scattalogical humor, especially when it comes to food and beverage products.

    Know your audience and their sense of humor – “listen” on social media (and in person) before you speak.

    Mild humorous attempts are usually safer than bold comedy.

    Be Careful If You’re Poking Fun of Consumers

    A simple question about consumer behavior can lead to an endless source of humorous marketing opportunities. Brad Barrett, CEO of Grill Grate, advises business owners to ask ‘What’s funny about how people use your product?’ and then poke a little fun.

    Nearly everyone can relate to the occasional hiccup in the kitchen or on the grill. Brad capitalizes on such relatively harmless fiascoes, flops, and messes in his campaigns. “Grilling is fun and provides humorous moments such as burning the chicken yet again,’ he says. That sort of humor hits home.

    Brad hired an artist to depict what he refers to as “The Bonfire Chicken Cartoon.” The cartoon depicts a chicken using a fire extinguisher to put itself out. Grill Gate has used images like this to engage customers in caption contests and then re-purpose the image with various captions such as “Friends Don’t Let Friends Burn Their Chicken.”

    What are the problems that your company solves? Are these issue that people typically feel comfortable talking about or admitting to?

    Are there silly aspects or outcomes from these problems? Can you tease or joke about these issues without being rude?

    Craft your jokes in the right format for easy sharing between customers – is it a photo? An illustration? A video?

    Brad believes humor humanizes the brand. ‘We are not a faceless company,’ he says, ‘we like to have fun too just like our customers.”

    Brad reminds business owners to use natural and agreeable humor to tickle your customers’ funny bones. “People share funny stuff or things they think their friends will enjoy. For us, that type of humor carries our brand right along with it.”

    Don’t Get Boo-ed Off Stage

    Humor can be a way to make your marketing stand out.

    It may be tempting to throw caution to the wind, but a bit of consideration (and even testing) is a good idea before unleashing the clowns.

    Know where the bar is set for your customers’ sense of humor – don’t play it too safe or too risky. Make sure that it relates to both your customers’ lives, and your product.

    Make sure your antics have a goal, and measure their effectiveness – you may be happily surprised at how well humor can work for you.

    Your Turn: What supposedly funny marketing campaigns have fallen flat? Have you ever tried to be funny? Did it work?

    A business party in your inbox

    Join thousands of small business owners and startup founders who are gaining insights from our stories.

    Almost there!

    Check your inbox to confirm your subscription.

    About Author

    Grasshopper Team

    The Grasshopper Team loves sharing tips, tricks, advice, and how-tos with entrepreneurs around the world. We’re always here to answer questions or just chat.

    Most Popular stories people like

    grasshopper.com

    Share:
    No Comments

    Leave a Reply

    Your e-mail will not be published. All fields are required.